In The Son

It's nights like these that seem so hard for me, I cry out to you and I almost forget that it doesn't come naturally, loving the way that I should. And yet in the night as I find myself drowsy I see it more clearly then ever before. The Lord is Good, please don't misunderstand what I say. But my thinking is off in so many ways that I can't find the good in my struggles. So I find myself reminding and winding around all of the usual cliche's: it will all work out in the end, God will never put upon these shoulders a load that I simply can't bear, I could use the time to grow...and the state that I'm in begins to show. It is revealed in the way that I face these battles, revealed in the apathy, quality, virtual animosity of my attitude and my desire. Or lack thereof.
This, this is the place where I see what I'm MADE OF, I can SEE just how Fragile I am. I can see the "cliche's" having saying them now are all truths that I thought I could somehow bend, but the truth can't be manipulated. So I'm left with NO EXCUSE!
Why oh why does it feel this hard? Why does it have to be this? It hurts and I struggle, is the end in sight here, oh God now I need you but you feel so far away! I know what you say, I know what your word says, and I know that there's hope in your arms. I heard what you did in Pauls life and Peters, and I know that your love endures. Oh how Gods love woos me, entices me with commitment and Grace...yet the fight for my life and my families lives, and my families, families...remains.
God, you are God in Heaven, seeing all beyond my words. You are all knowing, and loving, resolving and solving these things before I even think. You send Angels for waring, and friends for encouraging, sisters for loving and Pastors that heal. And I know you're real. You remind me that you're real.
So here, right here in this moment, I lay it all down again. Would you use every opportunity to help me to see who I am? Would you free me from all of these burdens, that would bend me 'till I'm broken? Come and break me where I'm hopeless, and then restore me so I'll grow. And all of these thoughts of me, who I would rather be, making me focus so solely on only me, take them away! I wanna be YOURS! ONLY YOURS! I WANNA BE FREE! I wanna be who you say you called me to be. I will follow you, and focus on your goal. Running and running I don't want to miss the only chance that I'll have to let go.

Distracted From Her Purpose

In "The Message" Bible, there is a scripture in 2nd Corin.11:2-3 that translates like this:

I am Jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him. But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent's cunning, your mind may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ.

The New Living translation puts it like this:

For I am jealous for you with the jealousy of God Himself. I promised you as a pure bride to one husband--Christ. But I fear that somehow your pure and undivided devotion to Christ will be corrupted, just as Eve was deceived by the cunning ways of the serpent.

This week my Pastor really explored the cunning ways of the serpent in our lives. I know him all to well, I feel the familiar struggles,and lies that he tells me. I want to learn from these mistakes and be tried and true!
Paul Goes on to say in vs.4 : You happily put up with whatever anyone tells you, even if they preach a different Jesus than the one we preach, or a different kind of spirit than the one you received, or a different kind of gospel than the one you believed.
Even if they preach a different Jesus...a different standard, a different way than what is right to do things.

As Paul crys out to a generation that is weak in our values. The fact of the matter is that no matter what is going on around us, there is something so deep inside that desires to know that there is a boundary--a boundary in order to protect and to be set before us in order that we may live!!! God has set a boundary. Here Paul writes "I have offered you as a virgin", which means God has cleaned you up (or wants to) from your corrupt nature! God had sanctified you through his son Jesus Christ, he will give us a new mind, a new heart, his ways will keep us and lead us and protect you from everything that you ran to God from.
For Eve, the serpent came along, and she had no experience with sin. Instead of telling him to get lost she entertained the lies he was feeding her to see what she might gain. Of course, in the end, it not only tainted her nature, it cost her and her husband the open door of those sins. And shame.
There are boundaries that our Lord Jesus Christ has made each of us aware of in our lives. Where we might not have known about the deception in the past, God had revealed His will to us now and he has warned us that we have an enemy, ourselves included. I want to plead with you today, as Paul does in this scripture, if you recognize the boundaries that God has put in front of you to protect you from something, please stop walking the line. The serpent convinced Eve that she would not face the consequences that lay ahead, and she learned the hard way he lied lied lied. We must begin to allow or relationship with God to change our character. Gods faithfulness is meant to encourage our faithfulness to him and others. Moreover, who knows what blessings truly lie in store for the one that chooses to believe our Great and Awesome God, about his direction for our lives.
I don't know about you, but I don't want to take anymore trips down memory lane as I relearn and relive the same old struggles I have had for 5-10 years now already! I am ready to break through and be clean and become that faithful woman of God, trusted and trustworthy to
anyone God puts in my life.
Trust God, it doesn't have to be that hard. He will give you a New beginning.